A New Start, A New Country, A New Life?

I never know what I want.

If you spoke to me a few months ago I would have told you about how I am to far away from home, that I miss my family, and that I want to be able to attend my grandparent's birthday parties. Which is all fine and good when I am at home and surrounded by family.

When I am home, I want to be home, but when I am away, I am not so sure.

Around 2 'oclock this morning I was doing what I do best, fretting about the future, and during this time I happened to look up the Massey Vet School in New Zealand which, if I decide to go to vet school, is the school I have always wanted to go to and get this: I can start vet school next year. The program is a five year science intensive program that anyone can basically start anytime after high school and at the end of it I would be able to be a vet in New Zealand, Australia, England America and more.

Its got me thinking, why be close when I can be far, far away?

It is just as appealing to me to be close as it is to be so far away that I would have to schedule phone calls. I want to be a critical part of my family but at the same time not worry about the limitations that family brings. If I was miraculously placed on this planet with out connections or people to hold me back I would be gone in a heartbeat. But that's not me. I have school plays to go to, and birthday cakes to bake. I really enjoy doing these things but sometimes I wonder what it would be like to just do what I want to do, to have my own life without school plays and birthday cakes.

I think that part of growing up is developing your own lifestyle, so what if mine is in New Zealand? Unfortunately if I decide that it is in New Zealand, I won't get to share my life with those who love me, and how do I know if i've grown up if I don't have anyone comparing me to who I used to be?

So what to do? For now I am going to wait it out and see what schools accept me as a transfer. If I get in to Cornell or Wesleyan I think that I need to complete my degree there before moving on to bigger and better things, BUT if I go to Rutgers then there is a good possibility that you'll be seeing another post about a whole new change in scenery some time next year.

Why do I do what I do?

My English class is probably the biggest cake class that I will ever have the fortune of taking in college and I took it for that reason. I wanted a GPA booster, and I got it. The class is basically us doing reading (or not, the reading is totally not necessary) then going to class where the professor summarizes EVERYTHING we would possibly need to know about the reading. Three tests, no final, one paper. I got a 98 on the first test. Cake.

The paper is due on Friday. All it is, is five pages, explaining how something influenced the writer to write a short-story. I'm doing Religion's influence on "Araby". Sooooo easy. But I can't get myself to get off my lazy ass and write it. Why? I have no freaking idea. I have my sources, I have ideas. I could probably bang this thing out in an hour. Instead, I waste hours on facebook, formspring, twitter, blogger, craigslist and finally stumble (yes that is my order and yes I do look at craigslist, don't judge). After that I usually ponder about my future, wonder if I am doing enough, fret that I'm not, insist that I must be and then start the cycle over again.

Someone slap me?

Oh! To further my means of procrastination, I have put my Kindle to good use. I bought A Handmaid's Tale by Margaret Atwood today. It's a dystopic novel about a future society of barren women, and what happens to the fertile ones. I like it.

Snow!

UVMers love snow.

Yesterday we got out first snow storm and it was great to see everyone on campus acting like little kids again. Random snowball fights bro

ke out. Numerous snowmen were made. Not to mention the copious amount of people I saw with sleds ready to throw away homework and ride down a hill. To top it all off there was a snowball war last night. Quite literary, the entire campus came out to play in the snow and throw snowballs at anything that moved.

Photos people took around campus:

Tour of my room.

The video below is pretty useless. What can I say, I was bored.

RIP Fish Number 1

Death is a strange thing.

I recently purchased three fish and a swanky new tank to put them in. I read that it was very feng shui to have two gold fish and one black fish in a tank, so I bought two white fish with little red blobs on their head and one black fish. They represented the colors of the schools I am applying to, dorky I know.

I don't particularly like fish. I don't like to touch them and I wince when I have to touch their tank water but I need life in my room and because I can't go out and adopt a dog, I turned to man's next best friend, the fish.

For a month their life continued swimmingly. They knew that when I turned the light on in the morning fish flakes would rain from the heavens and that if they stared at me long enough while I was doing my homework I would give them a little more food at night. I like to think that they thought of me as a caretaker and that although their memory only lasted for about 5 seconds, that somehow I was remembered.

Yesterday I left my room in the morning to three very happy fish and came back in the afternoon to two happy fish and one distressed finless fish trying to wiggle around the tank. Needless to say, the finless fish died sometime last night and I buried him in the toilet bowl this morning. I swear the two remaining fish are grieving.

I often ponder the idea of destiny. Was my fish destined to have its fins ripped off? I'm not sure. But I like to think that by sacrificing its life it served a larger purpose that will be felt around the world. Its death caused me to write this. It's possible that when people read it they will think about death, tell their loved ones they love them, maybe donate some money to a charity. Essentially it could be because of my fish that someone falls asleep with a full stomach tomorrow. The butterfly effect.

Then again it could have died because it simply wasn't smart enough to stay away from the filter.

Death is a strange thing.

Back to the old Bump and Grind...with a twist here and there

It seems to be my turn to tell you all what its like to be back at UVM. First off its odd. It took me a few days to remember the little things about college. Like how people pop in and out of rooms constantly and how it's completely normal to have a conversation about breakfast while in the shower. It was a relief though to walk through my door the first time and have that feeling of "ahh I'm home". Everything was just as I had left it which is probably my favorite thing about coming back from a prolonged vacation. No matter how long you leave, when you come back you can simply pick up where you left off and go.

Before vacation I thought a lot about how my home will never really be my home again. I assume that I'll always be welcomed there, but I won't be living there for

more then a few months at a time which will slowly decrease to a few weeks which will then whither away to holidays and family gatherings. I find this extremely weird. Sometimes I forget that I'm aging, growing up if you will, and that one day I will wake up and have my own house with my own family and hopefully a job that I like. But before all that I need to graduate college.

I'm taking 16 credits this semester and after this semester will be 5 credits away from being a Junior. This is assuming that all of my credits transfer and whatever school I end up at has the same credit guide as mine does. That probably won't happen, but I'm ahead of the game so I figure if nothing else I'll come out even. I'm taking Biology (with an NJ native, english speaking TA!!) and right now we are breeding fruit flies in order to play with genetics. At the end of the class we have to kill the flies, which I'm pretty okay with but I feel like they are slowing desensitizing us to killing larger creatures. I've heard horror stories about my rat back cracking aunt and am not sure if I could do that but I assume I'll tackle it when it comes. I'm also taking Chemistry (shoot me), Eastern Religion (Hinduism, Buddhism, Taoism), Types of Literature, Jogging for Fitness, and most recently Catamount Singers. I'm really excited about the last one, its a nine person mostly senior music majors choir...and me. Its going to be tough but I am absolutely thrilled to be back in music.

Vermont is almost horrifyingly warm. The snow melted, and I don't need the 17 layers I brought with me. Sometimes I enjoy global warming, but at the same time it would be really nice to go sledding. The pictures above are of what it should look like...it doesn't.

While I wait for my Chinese food I think I will write a blog.

First and Foremost:

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I spent my New Years in the City with my best friend Serena. We met in fifth grade (and I hated her) then she moved to Florida in 7th grade and we've been best buds ever since. She goes to AMDA (American Musical Dramatic Academy) and is an aspiring actor. I give her props - thats a tough field. A few months ago she proposed the idea of spending New Years together. I was given the opportunity of a free night in the city and I simply couldn't pass it up. The plan was to see a show then watch the ball drop and then chill with her friends for a bit however once we realized that after midnight I wouldn't be allowed back in the building the plans changed. I figured it was better to be inside during the countdown then have to sleep on the streets for a night (although that probably would have been a wonderful adventure) so we spent the night just hanging with her friends in their dorms (which was actually an old dilapidated apartment building) and had a blast. At one point we headed to central park and had a snow ball fight but I was paranoid about having a place to sleep so we went back fairly quickly. After the ball dropped, the boys hung half of themselves out of the window 8 stories up and cheered for about 10 minutes and we all hung out some more before ending the night at 3AM.

It was so neat, since all of the people at AMDA are artsy majors "hanging out" consists of blasting music and belting harmonies. Everyone there trumped me but I tried to keep up. I was so happy to be around artsy musical people again.

Today Serena and I woke up at 9AM so that I could catch the 10:11 train home but I ended up spending the day in the city with her. I went for a little walk around the block alone in the morning and realized just how beautiful the city can be. I never experienced residential New York before, only touristy New York and I was surprised with how much I loved it. So much so that I'm going to look up some colleges I can transfer to in the city. After my little escapade, we saw Strawberry Fields, and spent hours in the Natural History Museum. It was an absolutely wonderful day and I was so happy to spend it with such a good friend.

As far as new years resolutions are concerned, I have a few.

1. Only eat when I am actually hungry.
2. Get more involved on Campus.
3. Ace 3/4 classes (I can't ask to much of chemistry)
4. Get into some schools and weigh my options

One last thing, it's so neat to think that some of the people I spent New Years with will one day be famous actors/singers/producers. I really hope that one day I can tell people that not only did I know that person, I celebrated 2010 with him/her.

Its going to be a good year.